when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
