operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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