Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
