I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
