My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
