speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
