She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
