After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I wish you could order shots online.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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