I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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