just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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