She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
