Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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