i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
