just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
