i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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