You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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