Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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