my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
