I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
