I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
