the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
