he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
