some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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