either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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