Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
