i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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