I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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