one might say we're banned from that church
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
