It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
