Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
