I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
