Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
The feeling are messing with the penis
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
