Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
