Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
