What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
