She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
