Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
