also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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