pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Hippo gnu deer
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Randomize
