Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
