When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
