I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
