i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
