Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
