Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Randomize
