C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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