oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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