The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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