my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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