she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
