At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
