Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
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